AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS: THE NAKED MILE - DVD review

Oh, the things I do for DVD Town.

I'd like to think that whatever omnipresent, cosmic beings control our universe shall dish out some good karma my way for sitting through "American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile." If not, then I'm just glad to have escaped the ordeal with all my brain cells intact.

In 1998, the Farrelly Brothers brought gross-out comedy to the forefront of pop culture with their smash-hit "There's Something About Mary." The following year, Paul and Chris, the Brothers Weitz, gave us "American Pie", an entertaining throwback to the teen sex films of the 80's, a genre pioneered by movies like "Porky's." Following its success, "American Pie" became a franchise, spawning two sequels, "American Pie 2" and "American Wedding." With the ensemble casts growing larger and, more importantly, demanding more money, Universal pulled a Disney. The series went the direct-to-video route, while jettisoning the majority of the characters. The first was "American Pie Presents: Band Camp" and now there's, "American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile." Somebody should have stopped when they were ahead.

"Naked Mile" takes a cue from the original film by essentially rehashing the previous plot. Taking over for the hapless Jim is the almost as hapless, Erik Stifler (John White), the cousin of Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott's character from the first two films) and his younger brother, Matt (the star of "Band Camp"). Erik is considered the black sheep of the Stifler family since he doesn't partake in the wild partying and excessive drinking that the rest of the men enjoy. He's also a virgin, a fact that makes him the butt of many jokes from his friends and classmates.

As much as he wants to, Erik's girlfriend, Tracy (Jessy Schram), just doesn't feel she's ready. Erik's best friends, Ryan (Ross Thomas) and Cooze (Jake Siegel), decide the best thing they can do for their buddy is take him on a road trip. Under the pretense of exploring their college options, the trio head to the University of Michigan to visit another Stifler cousin, Dwight (Steve Talley), who more than lives up to the family's rambunctious legacy. There, they hope to witness an event called the Naked Mile, where numerous co-eds strip off their clothes and jog around campus. Even better, Tracy naively gives Erik a guilt-free pass to do whatever he wants while he's away.

The only established character to return is Eugene Levy as Mr. Levenstein, also known as Jim's Dad. Good God, Mr. Levy, did the Christopher Guest checks run dry already? He makes a few brief appearances handing out advice to the young lovers, Tracy and Erik. It also turns out he is an alumni of Michigan and the founder of the Naked Mile, initially established as a form of political protest. Hippies...

Rounding out the cast of characters are the film's antagonists, a fraternity of angry little people. I guess we're not supposed to call them midgets or dwarves. However you identify them, they are the alpha males of the campus and are constant thorns in the side of Dwight and his fraternity brothers.

You know what you're going to get from "Naked Mile" right away during the film's opening. There, Erik is caught by masturbating by his parents and grandmother, then proceeds to spray his semen all over them causing grandma to die of a heart attack. As if one ejaculation joke wasn't enough, there's another one later in the movie. Therein lies one of the many problems with "Naked Mile." The jokes are repetitive, unoriginal, and just plain tired. The sperm gag was done years ago in "There's Something About Mary." It's been parodied and referenced hundreds of times since then. It's not funny or shocking anymore. It's been run into the ground. "Naked Mile" just continues to beat the maggot-ridden corpse of a dead horse.

Even with all the scatological comedy in "There's Something About Mary" and the first "American Pie", those movies had heart. You actually cared about the characters. Plus, you had an honest-to-goodness story going on, as well. "The 40-Year Old Virgin" is a perfect example too. It was funny, it was raunchy, and it was all built around a fantastic script.

I could've cared less about anybody in this movie. Except for, perhaps, Tracy, who I just felt sorry for. She's a nice, sweet girl, but her two best friends are horrible, vapid people. They mock her virginity, place pressure on her to have sex, and give her awful advice. Why is she friends with them? I realize you meet a lot of these types in life, especially in high school, but would you rely on these jerks to help with your most intimate and personal problems?

The main draw of this latest entry to the "American Pie" series is the heaping helping of nudity. Sure there are plenty of bare breasts and butts, but you can find those in about two seconds on the internet. Not that I would ever do such a thing.

VIDEO:
The video is in anamorphic widescreen with an aspect ratio of 1.85:1. The transfer is clean and flawless, but the picture comes off as a little flat. The colors are a bit muted and gray. I guess you can't expect anything more from a low-budget flick.

AUDIO:
The audio is presented in Dolby Digital 5.1 with optional Spanish and French dubbed tracks, both in 5.1 as well. The film is dialogue heavy and every line can be easily heard. Not bad, but nothing too spectacular.

EXTRAS:
The extras include four featurettes and an audio commentary track with director Joe Nussbaum, writer Erik Lindsay, and actors John White, Jake Siegel, Steve Tally, and Ross Thomas.

The Yoga Guide to Getting Girls is a silly piece with actress Jessy Schram giving advice on the do's and don'ts of behavior in yoga class.

The Bare Essentials follows a few of the actors as they get their buttocks waxed for the big nude scenes.

Little People, Big Stunts focuses on the fraternity of little people and some of the stunt work they performed, mainly the big football game in the mud.

Life on the Naked Mile is the standard behind-the-scenes look at the making of the film.

Rounding out the extras are a collection of deleted and extended scenes, along with a reel of outtakes.

FILM VALUE:
I wonder what people consider worse: movies that aim high and fall short or movies that just aim low. What's worse, "Memoirs of a Geisha" or "White Chicks"? Maybe they're all equally stinky. "Naked Mile" is what it is and doesn't attempt to be anything else. It's fart and poop jokes with gratuitous nudity. It aims low and never ever bothers to look any higher. Now that I'm done with this review, I can look forward to never giving this movie any further thought.