BLADE: HOUSE OF CHTHON - DVD review

Given that "Blade" started life, so to speak, as a fairly interesting vampire novelty with a fairly interesting main character portrayed by Wesley Snipes and then plummeted downhill fast with its sequels, you wouldn't expect a television knock-off to be up to the original. And you'd be right. But that doesn't stop this first installment of the TV show from trying.

"Blade: House of Chthon" is the unrated, feature-length première of the 2006 television series, the main character based on the Marvel comics creation, the program originally presented on Spike TV in association with Marvel Entertainment and New Line Television. It sort of takes up where the Snipes movies left off, only this time with Kirk "Sticky" Jones (a.k.a. Sticky Fingaz of the rap group Onyx) in the lead as the half human/half vampire, Blade. And because this DVD edition features the unrated version of the movie, it adds in a good deal of extra blood, gore, sex, and nudity. Oh, and did I mention blood and gore? To be sure we get the point, most of the added blood and gore comes in the first three minutes of the story.

Blade has been fighting vampires since his youth, and he has apparently acquired quite an arsenal of weapons over the years. It used to be that he needed only his fists, feet, and a few carving knives. Now, he carries enough weaponry to take on the North Korean army. Nobody seems to notice him walking around town, either, despite his tattoos, sword, ammunition belt, guns, and full-length black coat. The movie takes place in Detroit, and for all I know, maybe he blends right in.

Unlike Snipes, Jones's Blade is a quiet guy who talks in a whisper and carries a lot of big sticks. Plus, he's an expert martial artist as before. But here's the thing: If you count screen time, the real star of the show is a character named Krista Starr (Jill Wagner), a tough, if not too smart, war vet. When the villain of the piece, Marcus Van Sciver (Neil Jackson), murders Krista's twin brother, she attempts to track down his killer, unaware that Van Sciver is the leader of a cult of vampires known as the House of Chthon. If that name sounds vaguely Lovecraftian, you know it's not a coincidence. Since Blade is trying to get his hands (and fists and feet and sword and bullets) on Van Sciver, too, we expect all these folks eventually to meet up.

Peter O'Fallon directed the film, and, fortunately, he's a seasoned television guy. This means he knows where and how the action must come--in spurts between what would be advertising breaks on TV. As a result, the movie is a sequence of ups and downs, none of them very imaginative but the combined effect of which provides a solid forward thrust.

Along the way, the audience meets a variety of additional supporting characters, many of whom will take up residence in the series' permanent cast. One of these people is a crooked detective, Brian Boone (Bill Mondy), who is in league with the vampires and helps them round up a few meals. Another is Blade's assistant, Shen (Nelson Lee), who is also a techie genius and comes up with any number of assorted electronic and chemical wonders. Among them, and I'm not kidding, are garlic bullets that disintegrate vampires. Hey, I'm trying to write this with a straight face, which ain't easy. Shen is kind of a Robin to Blade's Batman, and thank goodness. While Blade never cracks a smile, preferring to look gloomy and solemn all the time, Shen has a fine sardonic wit that lends a little sparkle to the story.

Then, there is a cameo by Randy Quaid as a goofy professor who has stocked his home with assorted vampire paraphenalia because he knows all about night creatures. Quaid's character wears a pair of eye glasses circa 1958, with a side wing missing; he drapes his front door with garlic; and he talks casually of things like "hominus nocturni" ('vampires" to us laymen). Quaid is one of the only persons in the movie who appears to know how campy all of this is and plays it accordingly.

With the exception of Quaid, almost everyone else is young and attractive. Not that Quaid isn't attractive, but he's over forty. The filmmakers clearly meant this movie and this series to target a young audience, so even the villain, Van Sciver, is young, tall, handsome, blond, and blue-eyed. Frankly, he looks more one of DVDTOWN's Danish administrators than a fearsome, bloodsucking monster.

There isn't much plot to "Blade: House of Chthon," largely, I'm sure, because it's a television show, and you mustn't make television viewers think too much; and because the filmmakers want this première episode mostly to introduce the characters to us. Which presents a problem from the outset: We know that a movie like this one has to have a continuing heavy, so we know, too, there will be no decisive end to the villainy afoot. The main idea of the show is to get audiences to come back for more. Therefore, all it does is set up the scenario and expect us to go from there.

Admittedly, "Blade: House of Chthon" is somewhat dull and uninspired in terms of first-rate, big-screen thrillers, its creators pacing the proceedings for maximum effect between commercials. We find the dialogue sparse and the skulking through shadows plentiful. Still, if it's kicking and punching you want, with a few buckets of blood thrown in, you've come to the right place. But as I say, don't look for much in the way of originality, surprise, zest, humor (except for Lee and the brief interlude with Quaid), or spirit here. Heck, don't even look for much of Detroit, as the filmmakers shot most of the picture in Canada. A lot of dark alleyways, though. Call it "Blade: House of Noir."

Video:
The New Line video engineers present the movie on disc in a 1.78:1 screen ratio, just the size of a widescreen TV. They give it a high-bit-rate, anamorphic transfer, which does not, however, ensure a perfect image. In fact, the video is predominantly soft and sometimes fuzzy by comparison to the best theatrical releases. Expect here the look of a good cable-video broadcast. This is not to say it's bad, just not as well defined as it could be.

Daylight shots come off best, where colors are strong and deep. Darker shots, though, which are many, can look rather murky. To the good, the screen is generally clear and free of grain or noise; to the bad, I noticed some occasional moiré effects, flickering lines, that I hadn't figured to see.

Audio:
Well, it's loud. This is a movie for and about young people, so rock music abounds. The Dolby Digital 5.1 sound reproduction produces robust dynamics and wide stereo, but bass is not as taut or as clean as it could be, and the surrounds (beyond enhancing the usual musical ambiance) take a while to get started. By the time we get to an arcade scene, the rear speakers have begun to warm up, and the filmmakers seem to start using the surrounds increasingly better as the movie goes along.

Extras:
Surprisingly, since this film was not a major theatrical release, there are bigger extras on the disc than on most such affairs. First up are two separate audio commentaries, the first with director O'Fallon and the second with writers David Goyer and Geoff Johns. After listening to a little of both, I'd say it was a toss-up. The director tends to provide more factual information, whereas the two writers are a bit more fun to listen to. Then there is a documentary on the making of the film, "Turning Blade," that is eight chapters and over an hour long. On it, the actors appear to be having much more fun than what we see in the movie.

Things conclude with sixteen scene selections but no chapter insert; English as the only spoken language; English and Spanish subtitles; and a cardboard slipcover. OK, I admit I've never understood the concept of slipcovers, but New Line, Disney, even Warner Bros. seem to think they're important. I figure they're more of a marketing item for the studio than any kind of serious advantage for the consumer, but who am I to argue?

Parting Shots:
Insofar as TV movies go, the unrated edition of "Blade: House of Chthon" is actually pretty decent, moving briskly from episode to episode without giving us much time to fret about the vacuity of the plot and characters. Indeed, it even adds enough gratuitous sex and violence to make us forget for a minute that it really is a television production. However, compared to a good theatrical release, this "Blade" comes up ordinary at best.