FATAL INSTINCT - DVD review

Film parodies have been around for a long time, and contrary to popular belief they were not invented by Mel Brooks. But the laugh-a-minute, slapstick parody we know today was encouraged by Brooks in the early seventies with "Young Frankenstein" and "Blazing Saddles" and abetted by the Zucker brothers' 1980 classic "Airplane!," films that movie parodies ever since have used as their models.

Subsequent efforts were more-or-less successful than others, with "Airplane II" soon following, then the "Naked Gun" series, the "Hot Shot" films, "Top Secret," the "Scary Movie" franchise, "Not Another Teen Movie," and a spate of additional Brooks spoofs like "Spaceballs," "Dracula: Dead and Loving It," and "Robin Hood: Men in Tights."

It was little wonder, therefore, that veteran funnyman Carl Reiner would throw his hat into the ring with parodies of his own like "Dead Men Don't Plaid" (1982), "The Man with Two Brains" (1983), and the subject of today's discussion, "Fatal Instinct" (1993). But Reiner may not have realized he was from another generation when fashioning "Fatal Instinct." His best work had first been in TV with the old Sid Caesar and Dick Van Dyke shows; and as a writer and director, his best movies had been gentle and low-key, like "Where's Poppa" (1970), "Oh, God!" (1977), and "All of Me" (1984). In trying to switch into high gear with "Fatal Instinct," satirizing not only the obvious "Fatal Attraction" and "Basic Instinct" movies but film noir in general, Reiner found a steep climb ahead of him.

Often, the pace of "Fatal Instinct" seems slack and much of the material flat, despite the work of actors who appear to be having a good time. More to the point, many of the jokes fall on the thankless ears of an audience much younger than Reiner, an audience largely deaf to the nuances of the noir genre. Reiner may have fond memories of the forties and fifties when noir was in vogue, but except for the occasional film buff, today's young viewers are not apt to know too much about the subject matter. And, of course, even "Fatal Attraction" and "Basic Instinct" are now old movies to youngsters. As a result, "Fatal Instinct" comes off today as a hit-and-miss affair at best.

On the commentary track, Reiner tells us there were about "nine or eleven films" he and writer David O'Malley were attempting to send up, and part of the fun is trying to spot them. But even if you can't, you'll foresee most of the gags a moment or two before they happen. Among the films spoofed are the aforementioned "Fatal Attraction" and "Basic Instinct," plus "Cape Fear," "Sleeping With the Enemy," "Double Indemnity," "Laura," "The Postman Always Rings Twice," "Strangers on a Train," "Body Heat," and others, even a generic Three Stooges short.

Reiner continues the tradition pioneered by Brooks and the Zuckers of using straight dramatic actors for the comic leads. After all, who'd have thought that people like Peter Boyle, Gene Hackman, Robert Stack, Lloyd Bridges, Chuck Connors, Peter Graves, even Leslie Nielsen could turn out such wonderfully humorous performances? In consequence, Reiner chose tough, suave, good-looking Armand Assante to play the part of the tough, suave, good-looking cop, Ned Ravine. Of course, Ravine is also the stupidest cop ever to carry a badge. "I don't look as dumb as I am," he remarks. Not only is he a cop, he's a defense attorney, too. He both arrests criminals and then defends them in court. As he says, "There's a lot of scum out there on the streets. They all deserve a fair and costly trial." Like his predecessors, Assante does a credible job acting dumb and being funny at it, and I believe it's the only comic role he's ever undertaken (unless you count his role in Sylvester Stallone's "Judge Dredd," an unintentional laugher). Like all old noir films, there's a jazz score in the background, and a saxophone player literally follows Ravine wherever he goes.

Naturally, every film noir has to have its share of beautiful, deadly females, and "Fatal Instinct" has three of them that fit the bill, two genuine femme fatales and one all sweetly, innocently dangerous. The first woman is Ravine's wife, Lana, played by Kate Nelligan. She's having an affair with an auto mechanic and part-time insurance salesman named Frank Kelbo (Christopher McDonald), and together they're plotting Ravine's death. The two schemers plan to collect a triple indemnity insurance policy that pays $9,000,000 if the victim "is shot with a pistol, falls from a moving northbound train, and drowns in a freshwater stream." "Could happen," Lana says. Next, there's the temptress, Lola Cain, played in grand style by the gorgeous Sean Young. She's out to get Ravine, too, for rejecting her after a brief fling; and she's got an ice pick for all occasions, including one that doubles as a cigarette lighter. Finally, there's Ravine's secretary, Laura Lincolnberry, played by Sherilyn Fenn, who, needless to say, is hopelessly in love with her dim-witted, shortsighted employer.

Also in the cast are stand-up comic John Witherspoon as Ravine's "Lethal Weapon"-like partner, Arch; James Remar as Max Shady, an ex-con trying to kill Ravine for losing his case; Tony Randall as Judge Harlan Skanky, an all-too-brief appearance; Eartha Kitt, also as a judge; and Carl Reiner himself doing a cameo in a men's room.

The gags come fast, but the tempo still seems curiously languid. Most of it is silly, mundane stuff, but a few scenes made me laugh. Frank's been working on Lana's car for seven weeks at Ravine's house, and Ravine never suspects there's anything going on. When Frank hears someone at the door, he asks, "Who's that?" "It's only the postman," Lana replies. "He always rings twice." Then there's a scene in the Ravine's bedroom involving an unsuspecting Ned climbing into bed with Lana and Frank and Frank's desperate attempts to escape. There's another in a park in which Lana and Frank talk in Yiddish in order to keep their murder plans a secret, and a fellow across the way understands them. "You speak Yiddish?" asks Lana. "No," he responds, "but I can read subtitles." And there's one with Ravine driving a BMW convertible with Venetian blinds and a ceiling fan.

Oh, yes, and there is a plot to "Fatal Instinct." Just don't bother to look for it.

Video:
The worst damage here is inexcusable. The film's original 1.85:1 theatrical viewing size has been rendered full-screen. From all appearances, including close-ups of faces and a comparison to the widescreen deleted scenes included among the bonuses, the DVD seems to be in pan-and-scan. For anyone who truly loves and understands movies, this "modified to fit your screen" business is a sacrilege hard to overcome. MGM is one of the few studios that usually includes both a widescreen and a full-screen format on their discs, but this time I suppose they felt the expense was unwarranted. They were wrong.

Insofar as the video quality per se is concerned, it's pretty mediocre. It's not bad, you understand, but it looks merely like a good transfer of an average print. Colors are bright but not always perfectly defined. Some bleed-through is evident. Dark areas reveal little inner detail. And there's a degree of glossiness about the images. On the plus side, there is little or no grain in evidence, which doesn't help from making the viewing experience something of a downer. Expect to see something like a good, non high-definition, cable or satellite broadcast picture.

Audio:
The Dolby Stereo Surround audio fares better than the video. It produces a good front-channel stereo soundstage, reasonably wide, with numerous noises in the left and right speakers and a decent sense of facing depth. As expected, voices are planted firmly in the center, but we get that in almost all movies nowadays. Actual surround information is scare, however, limited mainly to some minor musical ambiance reinforcement and an occasional sound effect.

Extras:
This is one of those discs where the two major bonus items are as good as the movie itself. On the audio commentary, director Carl Reiner and screenwriter David O'Malley prove they're funny men, indeed, and provide humorous and insightful observations on the film and its making. Then, even better, the disc contains ten deleted scenes with optional director and writer commentary, scenes that are as good as anything left in the film. Some of these scenes, like the ones with Dudley Moore as Max Shady's mother, another with "Hannibal the Lecturer," and an extended courtroom sequence with announcer Bob Uecker doing the play-by-play, are at least as amusing as material that made the final cut. If the studio was afraid they'd spoil the plot's continuity, what the heck? The plot's supposed to be episodic, anyway. If it's a good gag, leave it in. Oh, well. The extras conclude with sixteen scene selections and a theatrical trailer. Spoken language choices are English and Spanish, with subtitles in English, French, and Spanish.

Parting Shots:
Reiner says the biggest mistake he made was calling the movie "Fatal Instinct." Presumably, he felt it confused audiences into thinking it was a straightforward mystery instead of a comedy. To complicate matters further, there was even a small, independent crime thriller made two years earlier called "Fatal Instinct," with Michael Madsen playing a cop. Reiner had originally wanted to call his movie "Triple Indemnity," but the studio wouldn't let him. When he previewed the film for his friend Mel Brooks, Brooks suggested he call it "Frontal Attraction." Now, that's funny. But again the studio wouldn't have it. Why do studio suits think they know more about filmmaking than the artists who actually create the things?

I wanted to like "Fatal Instinct" a lot more than I did. Reiner invests the movie with a sweet, gentle, poke-in-the-ribs quality that's quite endearing, but the movie is perhaps not as edgy as a spoof of hard-nosed crime dramas ought to be. Still, it beats the mind-numbing gross-out routines that pass for humor in many of today's screen comedies, and that should count for something.