GRIZZLY RAGE - DVD review

This is stupid.

Oh, I wish I could leave it at that, but I would be lax in my duties as a film reviewer if I were to only write a scant three words about "Grizzly Rage." One of 2005's best films was the documentary, "Grizzly Man," by master filmmaker Werner Herzog. That particular film told the strange story of who loved the grizzly bear so much, he chose to live with them in their natural habitat and was eventually killed and consumed by one such bear. Now, that bear is back and this time…it's personal.

No, not really. Although, I almost took personal offense at just how horrible this movie is. "Grizzly Rage" has absolutely no connection to Herzog's documentary, except for the use of bears and the word ‘grizzly' in the title. It is a horrendous, low-budget affair that is the latest in Genius Products' Maneater Series. A creature of the week movie made for late night airings on the Sci-Fi Channel. I will admit to watching a few of those cheesy Sci-Fi channel flicks, thanks to a healthy case of insomnia, and have lived to tell the tale. "Grizzly Rage" is "Cujo" (with a bear) crossed with "I Know What You Did Last Summer" (with a bear). It might just be the worst of the lot. It's not even so bad, it's good. It's just bad.

You won't find any stars from the C or D-lists here. Don't expect to see any direct-to-video stalwarts like Eric Roberts or Antonio Sabato Jr. Instead, we get four of the most generic young actors you'll find outside of a Disney Channel sitcom. Wes Harding (Tyler Hoechlin), Sean Stover (Graham Kosakoski), Ritch Petroski (Brody Harms) and Lauren Findley (Kate Todd) are four friends who have just graduated high school. On their way to different college campuses, they decide to spend one last summer together by embarking on the classic path that the majority of horror film victims always seem to take, the road trip to the middle of nowhere. While searching for a campsite, they come across a gated area of the woods. Being complete morons, they break open the barrier and drive on in. Having fun with their joyride, the quartet accidentally runs over a bear cub.

Lauren is not just the only one of the four to have a vagina; she is also the only one of the four to have a heart. She feels completely awful about the poor thing. Why not? It was just a cute widdle bitty teddy bear. Her friends warn her, they don't have time to bury baby bear because momma bear is likely nearby. Cue the roar. Momma bear is on her way, but the happy go lucky high school grads run into their first setback when the engine on their car overheats. The four decide to hoof it and as you'd expect, somehow find themselves split up from one another. Wes and Ritch are attacked with only the former escaping alive. The remaining trio hops back into the car (which miraculously works again) with Lauren behind the wheel. Freaking out over the death of her friend Ritch, she loses control of the vehicle and it rolls off a hillside. Sean goes off on his own to look for help and comes across a cabin full of weird jars. Who owns the cabin? What is its significance? We never find out as the bear mauls him and he dies later that night. I honestly believe the cabin was some set the studio had lying around and they just want to re-use it again and again to get all their money's worth. Now we are down to two as Wes and Lauren decide to take the fight to the enraged grizzly.

Lordy, lordy, where do I even begin? Let's start with the villain of the piece, the momma bear who is about as intimidating as the stuffed one you might have won at a carnival game. In one ridiculous scene, we are shown a nearby pond where someone has dumped toxic waste. We are led to believe that this is some sort of radioactive super bear. Yet, the bear doesn't look at all like a mutated or demonic animal. When the bear roars with rage, it looks more like its yawning. I could name a dozen bears more frightening than the one in "Grizzly Rage." There's Winnie the Pooh, Baloo from "The Jungle Book," Yogi Bear, Sugar Bear, the Berenstein Bears, any of the Gummi Bears, and those Country Bears from Disneyland. Seriously, those animatronic critters just ain't right. If the film's IMDB page is correct, the animal trainers apparently dangled a marshmallow in front of the grizzly to get the creature to stand and open its jaws. That's pretty much the movie's high point.

The film was directed by David DeCoteau who has helmed such cinematic wonders as "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama" and "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge." I've seen student films directed with more nuance and grace than "Grizzly Rage." Student films, I tell you! The bear attacks on our hapless teenagers are just ludicrously put together. We get a stock shot of the bear screaming, a close-up of her paw about to strike, the victim screaming, and a splash of fake blood hitting the camera lens. Sometimes we watch their bodies fly through the air with the greatest of ease. Its all so hokey.

Need I tell you that the script by Arne Olsen is equally inept? Olsen, by the way, counts "Cop and a Half" and "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie" amongst his resume. The characters are worthless lacking any measure of personality, intelligence, or basic common sense. Lauren, the token female, seems like a nice girl and you wonder why she's even friends with these idiots, let alone traveling with them without any woman to accompany her. When they're not being attacked, we get arbitrary (and unconvincing) scenes of the characters making emotional connections and bemoaning their lot in life. At one point, Wes curses the heavens and asks, "Why is this happening to us?" Uh, because you went somewhere you weren't supposed to go then murdered an innocent creature?

VIDEO:
The video is presented in anamorphic widescreen with an aspect ratio of 1.78:1. The transfer is clean though the picture is rather lackluster. Most day scenes are bright though there's a bit of graininess in some sections. It's about what you'd expect from a low-budget movie shot on digital. The final act of the film features some very dark night scenes. I could barely make out what was happening.

AUDIO:
The audio is presented in Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo. The dialogue, score, and sound effects come in clear, but, again, nothing spectacular here.

EXTRAS:
Nothing.

FILM VALUE:
There's an apocryphal quote attributed to Christopher Walken in which that great actor once said, "Bear suits are funny…bears as well." I hate to disagree with Mister Walken, but there was nothing funny about this unbearable film. Yuk, yuk, yuk. Sorry, I couldn't resist. "Grizzly Rage" lacks even the two constants to any horror film, blood and boobs. It's a made-for-TV film so you're not going to see any gore or sweater puppies. I make DVD Town history with "Grizzly Rage" by giving it my first ever score of 1.