MANEATER - DVD review

As you flip the "Maneater" DVD case back and forth, it appears pretty harmless. Attractive people dealing with the daily rigors that life throws at them, all seeking romance as a diversion from reality. But as you watch it, you'll discover it is poison for your mind, body and romantic perceptions. This Sony Pictures Home Entertainment release originally gained popularity as a miniseries that ran on the Lifetime Network in late May 2009. I wish it hadn't even made it that far.

This stuff so out of the park you want to rub your eyes in disbelief, maybe even cover them so you don't have to ponder believing whether or not what you're watching is indeed unfolding in front of you. It pretty much follows rich, over privileged people who despise others that aren't in their social arena and walk around like the world should do them a favor for existing. I'd recommend you do director Timothy Busfield and his production crew a favor: send a message by staying as far away from this production as possible.

The most tragic thing about seeing rich people flaunt themselves is that it happens in reality. Sure, it might not be in as extreme a regard as it did in "Maneater," but it still happens. For some reason, people like this garbage. There are many more television shows about uneducated, over privileged people than there are about so-called "poor" people, and the crowd that checks that box is drawn to those programs. Why? Who knows? Who cares? "Maneater" tries to be cute and create likable characters along the way, but it sinks faster than the Titanic. At least the Titanic had some lifeboats to allow some passengers to get off. "Maneater" takes everyone and everything down with it.

We're introduced to the stunningly beautiful Clarissa (Sarah Chalke) as "Maneater" begins. She's tall, blonde, blue-eyed, proportional and has a look that would make your favorite chocolate candy melt. A woman like Clarissa probably has men drooling all over her, right? Yep. In fact, that's her problem. She hates it, and wants to settle down. So, she calls her equally attractive and obnoxious friends together for a meeting of the minds (I use the term loosely, I promise you).

There's Jennifer (Marla Sokoloff), the loveable golden retriever like sidekick who is loyal and obedient because she feels she has to be. There's Gravy (Judy Greer), the cynical and uneasy voice of wisdom mixed with so much nonsense you want to knock some sense into her. And finally there's Polo (Noureen DeWulf), the token person of color who assimilates to whiteness through wealth and beauty but still sticks out like a sore thumb. Together, these three could probably provide as much entertainment as an ant farm. Yet when coupled with Clarissa, they are attentive and pretty much go with whatever she says. We should all be so lucky to have such acquaintances.

Clarissa tells her friends that she has decided to get married, and immediately begins to plan her location, dress, cake, flowers and photos. They remind her she sort of needs a husband to participate, and their waiter drops a tip that a new filmmaker has just arrived in southern California. Aaron Mason (Philip Winchester) is rich, single and needs help navigating the crowd around town. Clarissa pounces on him like no other, and without fail, manages to woo him into her over sexually charged lifestyle. Like a gullible idiot, he falls for her effortlessly. I suppose looks can kill after all.

Did I mention that Clarissa's old boyfriend Simon (Paul Leyden) happens to show up just about everywhere? He appears at the same restaurants, house parties, social gatherings and so forth. Apparently southern California is far less populated than we all originally thought it to be. Oh, and Clarissa's parents also show up now and again. Her mother Alejandra (Maria Conchita Alonso) is slightly sensible, but her father Teddy (Gregory Harrison) could use a reality check. They provide some side gags, but Simon really takes over as things develop between Clarissa and Aaron. He wants her back, but she isn't interested. Well, she is, but she cannot let Aaron know.

The rest of the series basically follows these folks around as they pretend to go through some rough times. Examples include Clarissa's friends ruining a party she's planned to make Aaron fall for her and propose, and Aaron pretending to go broke to the point of having everything moved out of his mansion just to see whether or not his new bride will stick around without his fat wallet. There's some random gag about Clarissa getting pregnant and not knowing whether Simon or Aaron is the father, and another tree branch where Aaron isn't really Aaron, but a loser who was posing for the "real" Aaron. He was incarcerated in southeast Asia. By the time these agenda items surfaced, I was so turned off that it didn't matter anymore.

The characters in "Maneater" are not likeable, the plot is subhuman and the execution rewards those who lead immoral lifestyles. There is nothing at all I liked or appreciated about this series. It basically puts attractive people out there for the rest of us to go gaga over, and then makes us feel sorry for them because they suddenly have to face reality once in a while. Whatever emotional cord "Maneater" tried to strike, it missed by a marathon's distance.

If you're still reading at this point, you may also want to know that "Maneater" is among the more racist things I've seen recently. Clarissa's friend Polo is a woman of color, yet strangely is the only one in her entourage with any problems (she claims she has a skin condition and at one point shows up to a party smelling like a used diaper). Jennifer takes a liking to a Latino man who is doing carpenter work on her mom and dad's house, yet knows she shouldn't acknowledge him beyond the lowly Spanish speaker he is, even though he wants to be a professional chef someday. Clarissa runs into a dark skinned man who is moving furniture away from Aaron's house and tells him she knows how he must feel having to deal with a bitchy white woman who doesn't know how good she has it compared to him. She assumes he lives in a cramped apartment and is "thankful" for his "job." At one point, she leaves Aaron, determined to make it on her own, and drives down a street into a neighborhood where people of color stand on the sidewalks of liquor stores and chop shops, gazing at her with yearning glances. Ranchero and Mariachi music plays in the background until she arrives at her new apartment, a dimly lit 800 square foot box that symbolizes everything, both racially and socio-economically, that she never, ever wanted to be. To be blunt, this was disgusting to watch.

As bad as "Maneater" was, this review was somewhat fun to write. If only that sensation was enough to overcome just how awful, from first minute to last, this miniseries was. It isn't cute, it has no persona and it deserves no acknowledgement for anything whatsoever. I strongly recommend you avoid this at all costs.

Video:
"Maneater" is set in southern California, so it wasn't a surprise to see bright, natural light pretty well utilized throughout the series. The image is pretty vivid and the bright colors personify themselves in the 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen video transfer. The show's women are overdone in every sense of the word, and their chiseled looks come across just fine, as does the pretty conventional television cinematography. For a television show, the video quality is above average, but not so impressive you'll exhibit any outlandish reaction.

Audio:
I had no issues with the English 5.1 Dolby Digital audio soundtrack. Also available is a 5.1 offering in Portuguese. Whether or not you're listening to someone whine about a scuff on her new heels or somebody else gulp tequila shots, you'll be able to pick everything up just fine. Natural background noise doesn't come through all that well, but that's probably because the action on the screen was just so engaging I didn't notice. Hmmm…yeah. The show's musical selections were actually decent. Thankfully, loud top 40 tunes didn't dominate. Subtitles in English and Portuguese are available.

Extras:
Mercifully, I didn't have to even think about special features because none are included. That might be the best thing this disc has going for it.

A Final Word:
I suppose I can see why some out there might enjoy "Maneater." Wait. No I can't. This is just plain bad, from start to finish. It's insulting and degrading, not even close to being funny and worst of all, it probably has a decent following. If it didn't, there's no doubt in my mind this stuff would even make it past the writing phase. Please, don't show it to anyone under 21. Young people are impressionable, and if they see this, well, I'll truly weep for the future.