MEET THE SPARTANS - Blu-ray review

Parody can be a wonderful thing. I can also be a nightmare and I'll tell you right away that the Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer film "Meet the Spartans" is an absolute nightmare to sit through. The movie has very little redeeming qualities and from the first couple of minutes when a Penguin tells Leonidas that he is dead and to "say hello to Anna Nicole," you just know that "Meet the Spartans" is an exercise in bad taste and lacks any humor. Friedberg is responsible for "Date Movie" and "Epic Movie," so "Meet the Spartans" certainly didn't have a lot of expectations, but this is the absolute worst parody I have ever seen. Looking at the IMDb scores, "Meet the Spartans" rated a pathetic 2.4. I'm certainly not going against the grain on this one.

The film stars Sean Maquire, Carmen Electra, Kevin Sorbo and Method Man. I feel bad for all involved parties as the actors are not given many funny lines to recite and Maquire looks particularly pained with ‘painted on abs' and a Spartan-like beard. Electra benefits from just needing to look sexy and bear cleavage, but she isn't exactly an actress known for her ability to handle dramatic roles. I guess you know the cast is in trouble when the filmmakers had to even hire an actor to parody Kevin "K-Fed" Federline. I'm sure Kevin would have been more than willing to poke a little more fun at himself and when you can't even lure in somebody as low on the food chain as K-Fed, it is a bad thing.

Intended to be a follow-up to "Epic Movie," "Meet the Spartans" is a parody of the film "300," which was a visual tour de force, but it wasn't exactly a great story. "Epic Movie" poked fun at Narnia and mixed together a number of other references to films and "Meet the Spartans" is no different. "Spider-Man 3" finds the Venom suit making an appearance, "American Idol" is heavily ribbed in the film. Paris Hilton is a prime target of ridicule, as is Dane Cook, Britney Spears and others. The film has a great number of references and everything from "Star Wars" to "Harry Potter" to "Transformers" is quickly mocked by "Meet the Spartans." Some references are obscure and will only be picked up by fans of those films, but most are very ‘in your face.'

The essential plot is that Leonidas (Sean Maquire) has been raised to be the King of Sparta. He has married the frivolous and sexy Queen Margo (Carmen Electra) who has everybody's name from Shaq to Dr. Phil tattooed on her backside as conquests. Xerxes (Ken Davitian) has sent a Persian Emissary (Method Man) to ask for Leonidas surrender, but he refuses. After meeting with the oracle, Ugly Betty (Christa Flanagan), Leonidas sets off to war with less than three hundred Spartans to battle the overwhelming Persian army. They are betrayed by Paris Hilton (Nicole Parker) and are eventually defeated by Xerxes. This pretty much follows the plotline of "300," but it does attempt to throw a few laughs, references and jokes into the film.

The formula used by Friedberg and Seltzer doesn't quite sit with me. They seem to believe that a film can be funny if they cram as many pop-culture references into the film as possible and do so in a manner that holds close to an actual film, such as "300." The filmmakers did collaborate on "Scary Movie," which was funny in parts, but they were only part of a much larger group of filmmakers and the two cannot equal the mediocre work done by the Wayans brothers. When compared to films by Mel Brooks ("Men in Tights," "Space Balls," and "Blazing Saddles") or Jim Abrahams and David Zucker ("Airplane," "Top Secret!" and "The Naked Gun."), the Friedberg and Seltzer films are an absolute mess.

With a few original jokes, "Meet the Spartans" could have perhaps been salvaged. However, when a film makes a poor parody of Paris Hilton a supporting character, it is quite apparent that the writers were completely unable to come up with something that wasn't influenced by the tabloids or stolen from other filmmakers. I'm actually surprised that Jar Jar Binks wasn't a Persian warrior. With a limited budget, the film moved away from special effects and used "Stomp the Yard" as inspiration for their epic battles. Yes, it gets that bad. The film was reviewed by 43 critics on Rotten Tomatoes and only Kam Williams of NewsBlaze gave it a fresh rating, but she called it pabulum and anybody that might actually enjoy that film has no clue what pabulum means.

I'll keep it simple folks, so nobody sets out to enjoy pabulum with "Meet the Spartans" and any food digested in close proximity to the film will be hurled in disgust. This film is bad. It lacks any amount of humor, originality or entertainment value. The constant stream of parodies based around dancing and musical programs shows that Friedberg and Seltzer dug a little too deep into the barrel and found only sludge. I've seen bad and I've seen awful. I can't recall having seen much worse than this film and in a few years when the pop culture references are lost, there will be nothing. I can use a simple four letter word that to describe this film; one that everybody can understand and perhaps appreciate. "Meet the Spartans" is crap.

Video:

"Meet the Spartans" looks fairly good on Blu-ray, even though the film is hardly worth watching. Mastered using the AVC codec at 22 MBPS, "Meet the Spartans" is detailed and colorful. The film uses a slightly desaturated palette and a forced thin veil of film grain to give it a stylized appearance to perhaps remind some that the film is based off of the impressive looking "300." Colors are warm when need be and cold during nighttime sequences. I certainly cannot argue with how well the hues look in the film. Detail is also strong and easily betrays the bad makeup and effects used in the film. I can recall one moment when Ken Davitian was sitting on a throne and I was very impressed with the detail on his clothing, hair and jewelry. It looked top notch. The source print was also clean. While the film isn't as colorful and detailed as the best that Blu-ray can offer, this is easily above average.

Audio:

The audio portion of "Meet the Spartans" is also quite good. The film uses a DTS HD 5.1 Master Lossless Audio mix to deliver the film to the home theater room and this is routine for Fox. The mix uses the .1 LFE channel effectively and a great number of directional sounds can be heard in the rear surrounds as well as the parodied musical score by Christopher Lennertz (which may be the best element of the film). Sound bounces from channel to channel smoothly and naturally. Dialogue is anchored effectively in the center channel and you'll unfortunately never have a problem hearing every word of the lame jokes. This isn't an overly powerful mix, but it works well within the confines of the film. French and Spanish Dolby Digital 2.0 surround mixes are also provided as well as English and Spanish subtitles.

Extras:

There are a few supplements contained with the Unrated Pit-of-Death Edition of "Meet the Spartans." The question is not to whether or not they are decent extras, but whether or not you think you can sit through more of this mess. The ‘Unrated' version of the film is still very PG-13 in nature and you won't see anything that particularly pushes the boundaries of the MPAA rating system. I didn't watch the theatrical version of the film, so I honestly cannot tell you what pieces of additional material were thrown into the film. There are some pixilated-out genital regions of parodies of Paris and Lindsey shown in the film, but that was as racy as it got.

As far as the features, the Audio Commentary by Cast and Crew includes those responsible for this travesty (Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Sean Maguire, Kevin Sorbo and others). I couldn't stomach more than a few more minutes of this film and this commentary and while the group seem to get along well and enjoy talking to one-another, it doesn't make for a particularly good commentary track. The Know Your Spartans Pop Culture- Trivia Game is an interactive game that rewards answers with clips from the film, which is Leonidas kicking somebody into the death pit. I suppose one could call this exciting. Meet the Spartans: The Music allows the viewer to instantly select one of eight scenes in the film featuring music.

The features don't improve much after the interactive elements and commentary. The Prepare for Thrusting Featurette (5:11) is a making-of vignette that uses film clips and short interview segments to advertise the film. The only interesting comment was Kevin Sorbo claiming he could kick the 300's ass. Tour the Set with Ike Barinholtz (6:37) had the guy that poorly portrayed Dane Cook giving a tour of the film's sets. This was perhaps the best supplement offered, but it wasn't an easy watch. A Gag Reel (4:16) had a few laughs and was racier than anything in the film. In fact, there was foul language that would almost earn the disc the ‘Unrated Pit-of-Death Edition' moniker.

The Celebrity Kick Off Game and Super Pit of Death – Ultimate Tactical Battle Challenge are two more interactive features that are best avoided. The Celebrity Kick Off has Leonidas booting annoying celebrities into the pit of death and the faux American Idol judges rating the kick. It is simplistic and silly. The Super Pit of Death game is another ‘Kick the Celebrity into the Pit' experience and it is getting a little bit old at this point. A Trivial Track is included that places pop ups onto the film with mundane bits of information. Finally, the Theatrical Trailer A and Theatrical Trailer B are included.

Closing:

I didn't like "Meet the Spartans" in the least and I have my doubts that there are many people out there that would enjoy this film. It is a mish-mash of poorly written parodies and pop culture references force-fed into a script strongly based upon the film "300." There is hardly anything the film does that is funny and about the best joke in the entire film was watching the first thirty seconds of Kevin Sorbo going "Hercules" on the bad guys. This is quite simply one of the worst films I have ever seen. Sound and Video are actually quite good and a few supplements are tossed in to try and give some reason to purchase this film, but don't get pulled in with their trickery. Pretty much every other Blu-ray release out there is a better purchase than this film.