REST STOP - DVD review

According to the press release that accompanied this disc, the 2006 movie "Rest Stop" is the "first film in the 'Raw Feed' branded series from Warner Home Video," and it "marks WHV's initial venture into the burgeoning live-action, made-for-DVD market." Apparently, the movie's main claims to fame are that John Shiban, an executive producer and writer of the TV shows "Supernatural" and "The X-Files," wrote and directed it; and Jaimie Alexander, one of "Penthouse" magazine's "20 Most Beautiful Actresses," and "heartthrob Joey Mendicino (MTV's 'That 70's House')" star in it. You also know it's an important film because WB afford it the luxury of a glossy, embossed slipcover.

I suppose that's enough to make it a success. Except for a few minor things like a plot and characters. I think we've all seen its plot and characters too many times already for the film to make anything but a bad impression. The fact is, "Rest Stop" is not so much a horror movie as it is a horror of a movie.

Remember "The Vanishing," the 1988 Dutch film, remade later in America, about a couple who stop at a gas station and the woman suddenly disappears? Similar thing here, with a chunk of "Jeepers Creepers" thrown in and a truckload of blood, knives, saws, and power drills for good measure. It's all so over-the-top, the filmmakers may have intended it as satire, but it's done so dead-on seriously, it's hard to tell.

Things start right out with a murder in the ladies' room of a roadside rest stop. Then we switch to a pair of airheaded young people heading out from Texas to California to realize their dreams. Nicole (Alexander) aspires to be an actress, and her boyfriend Jess (Mendicino) wants to be her manager. The fact that they have no prospects, no contacts, no money, not even a place to live doesn't seem to bother them. Well, they're young.

You could better call this movie "Cliché Stop," the filmmakers have so filled it with everything we've seen before, and more. The "more" being more gore in this unrated edition than most of us need to see in any ten motion pictures. Anyway, the couple notice they're being followed by a mysterious stranger in an old pickup truck. Naturally, our knuckleheaded heroes decide to take a shortcut through the back country. A shortcut to California? Aren't there interstate highways everywhere in this day and age that would be faster than any backwater shortcut? Just as naturally, they get lost and pull into a rest stop in the middle of nowhere that nobody seems to have used since the Spanish conquistadors passed through on their way to El Dorado. Nicole goes into the ladies' room, which has the look of a toilet that Leatherface wouldn't use, and when she comes out, Jess and the car are gone.

To pile cliché upon cliché, Nicole's cell phone suddenly won't work, the pay phone is broken, a road sign says the nearest town is sixty miles away, the ranger station is locked up, and there isn't another person in sight, only an empty RV. Indeed, for the duration of the movie, almost all of which takes place at the rest stop, not a single car goes by on the road. Why is there a rest stop here?

At this point the mayhem begins, with Nicole relentlessly pursued by a demonic killer. I should say the mayhem almost begins. Actually, the first half of the movie is pretty slow for a horror movie, the action dragging along at a snail's pace, given over mainly to Ms. Alexander's facial contortions, whimpers, screams, and crying. Do you ever find yourself watching one of those pictures where you just want to yell at the characters on screen: "No, don't do that," "Look behind you," "Why are you so stupid!"

I mentioned that I watched the unrated version of the film. Presumably, it contains more blood, violence, sex, nudity, and profanity than the R-rated version. Or not. I don't know. I can only tell you that this film is stomach-turning in its wanton brutality, with torture and mutilation the order of the day. If your idea of a good time is watching a maniac slice up live bodies, drill holes in their sides, and carve letters into their skin, this movie is for you.

To keep our attention, Mr. Shiban (remember him, the writer and director?) changes the subject several times over. From out of the blue, Nicole gets tangled up with a brood of cretins that make the Addams family look normal, a clan of stereotypical religious zealots with the combined IQ of a wart. They seem to have no part in the story line except to keep the audience awake with what may be parody. Again, I don't know. Then, to make matters worse, about halfway through this gore-fest, Shiban introduces a supernatural element into the proceedings, an occupational hazard, I suppose, of his having written and produced so many bizarre television shows. Are we expected to believe that the characters in the movie are real, that they are ghosts, or that they are figments of Nicole's imagination? We never find out because the writer in all likelihood had no idea himself. All credibility goes out the window.

How dumb is the Nicole character? She breaks into the ranger station and finds a two-way radio and a bottle of whiskey on the ranger's desk. After two seconds yelling "Mayday" into the radio, she gives up trying to figure out how to work the thing and drinks the bottle of booze. More satire? I don't know. Later, she finds a crowbar, the only tool approaching a weapon with which to defend herself, and she almost immediately throws it away. Then a motorcycle cop shows up, but she doesn't think to use his gun. Finally, when her situation looks really hopeless, she does the only thing a horror-movie queen could do: She rips her top off. I mean, why didn't she just look for a pen and paper, write "KILL ME" in capital letters, and tape it to her forehead? At least then we'd have known it was being played for laughs.

Should we care about the heroine? We know as little about her as we do the villain, maybe less. Consequently, "Rest Stop" winds up as another of those films where we just wish the madman would dispatch the leading lady as quickly as possible and be done with it, putting her and us out our misery.

To say that watching this film was a most-unpleasant experience would be an understatement. There is no suspense, only grossness; no tension, only mind-numbing perversity; no creativity, only bloodshed and depravity. Even Shiban's filmmaking techniques--close-ups, quick edits, loud music--are stale imitations of trite TV work. In short, "Rest Stop" is a distillation of everything one can think of that's bad about horror movies of the last quarter century. And if it's supposed to be a send-up of fright flicks, you could have fooled me.

Video:
Although the video engineers present the image in a 1.78:1 ratio, anamorphic widescreen, with decent colors, that's about all that one can say for it. Otherwise, it's pretty ordinary in every way. Its visual appearance is rather ragged, grainy, sometimes blurry, and often dark, perhaps done intentionally to complement the film's grisly content.

Audio:
The Dolby Digital 5.1 sonics display a wide front-channel stereo spread but not much rear-channel activity. Surround effects are limited to the barest trace of musical ambience and a couple of noises during an explosion. While midrange delivery is fine, deepest bass and highest treble have gone missing along with everyone else at this rest stop.

Extras:
The regular R-rated edition of "Rest Stop" has only two alternate endings and a trailer as special features, but the unrated edition reviewed here has three alternate endings and several other worthless items. Of the three alternate endings, each one is as muddled as the last. In addition, there is a one-minute segment called "On the Bus," crime scene photos of more gratuitous gore; and "Scotty's Blog Exposé," six minutes of family-album video, culminating in yet more gore. Things wind up with twenty scene selections but no chapter insert (a fancy slipcover but no chapter insert); a non-anamorphic widescreen theatrical trailer; English as the only spoken language; and English, French, and Spanish subtitles.

Parting Shots:
Somebody somewhere probably thought the idea for this film had promise. Somebody somewhere will probably enjoy it. I'm thinking the somebodies somewhere are few and far between.