VAN WILDER: FRESHMAN YEAR - DVD review

In the beginning there was "National Lampoon's Van Wilder" (2002), a smutty college comedy that featured Ryan Reynolds as the coolest guy on campus, a fellow making a career of staying in school and partying at the same time. My colleague Dean Winkelspecht liked it, saying "if you are looking for some bare breasts and associated humor, then you really can't go wrong," and that "it surprised me as being funny and entertaining." He gave it a 7/10 film rating. Following the original movie came "National Lampoon's Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj" (2006), with Kal Penn as Wilder's old sidekick, now elevated to full star status. My colleague Erik Martinez said of that movie that "It's one of those films that really didn't need to happen" and gave it a 1/10. Now, we have 2009's "Van Wilder: Freshman Year" sans "National Lampoon," a direct-to-video outing that National Lampoon apparently didn't want anything to do with. Understandably.

The idea in this newest installment is that it's not another sequel, but a prequel. Whilst the first movie indicated that Wilder had already been in college for a decade, this new one, starring Jonathan Bennett as Van, goes back and tells us about his freshman year. As if we really wanted to know. Well, at least the movie has the title character in it, something the last one didn't. Not that it helps.

Also, on this DVD edition we get the unrated rendering of the film. I'm not sure what that entails, having never seen the rated version. I suppose there are a few more exposed bosoms involved; maybe an extra naughty word or two. Whatever, it isn't enough to save a drab movie from exposing itself.

It's evident from the outset that screenwriter Todd McCullough and director Harv Glazer ("Kickin' It Old Skool") grew up enjoying "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Animal House," because echoes of those two films in particular resonant in practically every frame of "Freshman Year." The newer film tries to combine the easygoing charm of "Bueller" and the raunchy humor of "Animal House" with little success. Instead, we get the character Van Wilder as a laid-back, nonchalant, instant big-man-on-campus taking time off from the story here and there to talk directly to the audience, as all around him runs a string of sex gags, sexual innuendo, nudity, profanity, and grossness. Not only do the two styles fail to mesh, they're positively at odds with one another. The result is an ambiguous tone that's awkward and numbing rather than engaging or amusing.

Yes, the movie has a plot, and it, too, is right out of "Ferris Bueller" and "Animal House." It begins with Van graduating from high school the head of his class, with the school's co-valedictorian, a comely lass, showing her appreciation to Van under his robes during his commencement speech. It's as dirty as it sounds and sets the mood for most of the rest of the film.

Van is a rich kid, and his father (Linden Ashby) insists he attend Coolidge College (filmed in Decatur, Georgia; I guess Eugene, Oregon, had had enough of college flicks), the school all the Wilders have attended and endowed over the years. Wilder Hall enshrines the former Wilder graduates, and there's a placeholder there for the newest Wilder, young Van. The trouble is, things have changed since the last Wilder graduated from Coolidge. In 1979 a girlie magazine rated it the number-one party school in America, but now its uptight, self-righteous Dean (Kurt Fuller) forbids smoking, drinking, drugs, and kissing. Kissing? He's posted signs.

Van is not pleased. So he sets out to change things--to bring sex and alcohol to the ultraconservative, religious institution and make everyone happy again. Except the Dean. Van exclaims "Boys, it's toga time!" Sound familiar? "Toga! Toga! Toga!" And remember Bueller's mission--to make his friends more joyful?--same thing here; just add nudity, fornication, booze, and four-letter words.

Of course, the story has to include the usual assortment of college stereotypes. For instance, there's the ROTC as a gang of militant thugs, lead by a fanatical Hitler youth, Dirk Arnold (Steve Talley); Van's roommate, Farley Marley (Nestor Aaron Absera), a white Jamaican pothead who talks like a black Jamaican; and Van's new friend Yu Dum Fuk (Jerry Shea), who follows in the "Wilder" tradition of salacious Asian names.

Plus, there's a love interest, which brings up two points. The love interest in these things must be sweet and innocent and, unlike every other girl in the picture, never expose her breasts. The young lady in question is Kaitlin Hayes (Kristen Cavallari), Dirk's girlfriend and an ROTC drill instructor. The moment Van sets his eyes on her, we know it's a challenge to which he must rise. Then, an odd thing happens. Halfway through this sex romp, it turns into a traditional romantic comedy, almost forsaking the sex altogether except for some silly frolicking at the end.

"Van Wilder: Freshman Year" is a curious film that can't make up its mind exactly what it wants to be. Despite all its vulgarity, it isn't really offensive. It simply lacks any character, any personality, any voice of its own. Rather, it relies on an unimaginative string of clichés from other sex comedies. Some of the shenanigans are so exaggerated they fail to be funny, while others are so insipid, they fail to inspire. The result is that the film evokes nothing but a sigh of boredom.

Put it this way: If you're looking to view some female flesh, there isn't enough, even in the movie's unrated form, to warrant your attention. If you're looking for randy humor, there are precious few smiles, let alone laughs, involved. But if you're looking to fill two hours while you wait for the novocaine to wear off from a root canal, it's as good as anything. Your numbness will distract you from the fact that nothing is happening on screen worth watching.

Video:
The standard-definition video quality is the best thing about the disc. Paramount present the film in a 1.85:1 anamorphic screen ratio, in colors that are rich and black levels that are deep. Upscaled, it looks quite good, with fairly sharp delineation, natural hues, and only the occasional jittery line.

Audio:
The disc case says the audio is in Dolby Digital 5.1 surround, but you could have fooled me. There is a rather restricted front-channel stereo spread and almost no surround activity. Moreover, the sound is bright, forward, and aggressive, reproducing a pounding pop beat that begins to grate in two minutes flat.

Extras:
Although there are plenty of extras on the disc, they don't amount to much. They are primarily of the promotional variety rather than anything particularly illuminating. First up, there's an audio commentary wherein director Harv Glazer and the major cast members chatter and goof off for the duration of the film. Following that is a series of short featurettes. We get "Creating the Legend: The Making of Van Wilder: Freshman Year," seventeen minutes; "Going Balls Out: Colossus," three minutes on the dog in the film with the prodigious gonads; "Coolidge College: Orientation Video," three more minutes; "Decatur," nine minutes, with the cast on location in Georgia; "Teacher's Pets," two minutes on the girls in the movie; "Van's Party Supplies," four minutes on the various sex toys used in the film; and "Pranks 101," four minutes on just that. Then we get about seven minutes of bloopers, and it's almost over.

The bonuses wrap up with seventeen scene selections; previews at start-up and even more in the main menu; English as the only spoken language; and English, French, and Spanish subtitles.

Parting Shots:
According to the press release Paramount sent out with the review disc, they are not issuing "Van Wilder: Freshman Year" on Blu-ray, only on DVD (at least at this time). One can understand why.

What's more, I get the impression from the size of the cast, the location shooting, and the disc's extras that the studio may have originally intended the film as a theatrical release, but then saw that it wasn't funny enough, original enough, or even sexy enough to warrant a full-scale theatrical campaign. So they sent it straight to video. Who knows. For all its raunchiness, the movie is harmless enough. It's just dull.