Before I even begin to write this review I see a story on MSBC.com that states that Lindsey Lohan has been voted the dumbest person in Hollywood. One of the reasons listed is that she took part in "I Know Who Killed Me." Even before I begin to type an article of how bad this movie and its starring actress stank, another Internet site steals my thunder. I'm pretty sure more people will read the MSNBC.com article than those that will take a minute to browse my insignificant little review. I have no chance to create a work of art where my reader is on the edge of their seat in anticipation to find out whether or not "I Know Who Killed Me" is worth their time and money. Nope. The world knows the movie stinks and that Lindsey Lohan is an idiot in part for starring in the film. Thanks MSNBC. Please stick to politics and what you consider news. Leave the crappy movies to me.
Anyhow, in "I Know Who Killed Me," a raspy voiced Lindsey Lohan stars as Aubrey Fleming. Aubrey is a rich little brat who holds the world in the palm of her hands. A boy named Jerrod Pointer (Brian Geraghty) thinks she is smoking hot. Speaking of smoking, LiLo's voice sounds like she has smoked one too many cigarettes. Anyhow, a serial killer is on the loose who hacks up his victims and leaves them to die. He has a penchant for pretty young girls and before long, poor little rich Aubrey is kidnapped and leaves her Lexus convertible at home with her mother Susan (Julia Ormond) and father Daniel (Neal McDonough). Everybody is very sad because the pretty young lady with a nice smile and great body is probably going to die.
However, Aubrey is found alongside the road with a hand and a lower leg missing. Both are on her right side. I'll just spoil the big surprise and tell you that Aubrey wakes up and claims to be the daughter of a crack fiend and wants to be called Dakota Moss. The hospital, her family and everybody wants to keep her face out of the tabloids and keep the killer thinking she is dead. Aubrey/Dakota gets a very nice prosthetic hand and foot from Crab Man (Eddie Steeples). I love Crab Man, but unfortunately, Jason Lee is nowhere to make this film entertaining. She gets out of the hospital and has hot sex with poor Jerrod who is confused by her wanting to be called Dakota and desire to smoke cigarettes. Everybody thinks she is Aubrey, but she fully believes she is an ex-stripper named Dakota.
As the film progresses, Aubrey/Dakota gets good at using her bionic hand and foot, but keeps forgetting to recharge the foot by plugging it in. Crab Man told her that it would be like a heavy wooden foot if she did that. Dakota starts to feel confused by the mistaken identity, but decides to do her own investigation into the truth. Did I mention that mysterious wounds continue to appear? Skipping to the chase, Dakota learns about stigmata and finds out that Daniel took one of a pair of twins from a crack addict mother when his own wife's baby died and that there truly is an Aubrey and a Dakota. They set out to find the twin that is still under the torturous care of the killer. There is a fight. Some people die. The film ends on a somewhat happy note with Dakota and Aubrey sharing an embrace in a coffin.
This movie is a turd. A very stinky one at that. Lindsey Lohan apparently took the role to shake off her teeny-bopper and squeaky clean image that has unknowingly-to-her left a long time ago. She curses quite often in the film and smokes a lot of cigarettes. She has sex and performs a few striptease dances with a pole and takes on some very sexy poses. There is nudity in the film and it is a tad more than slight. However, Lohan seems to desire keeping her own clothes on and not fully letting go of the good girl image. There are pictures of every body part of Lohan's imaginable on the web, but she oddly keeps at least some clothing on in this film. Regardless, she tries hard to act like a tramp in the film and distance herself from the "Herbie" movie.
Lohan's acting is just one of the reasons this movie is so damn bad. The story is far from interesting and so cliché-ridden that you have probably seen everything in the movie before. It is horribly predictable. You cannot consider this a horror film either. Aside from a few moments of decently done gore, there isn't a shock or fright in sight until the final moments when Dakota faces down her killer. In between the torture of Aubrey and the rescue of Aubrey, there is a whole lot of nothing but Lohan trying to act like the daughter of a crack whore. This is a boring mess that fails to frighten, fails to entertain and has little to no redeeming value. After watching this film, I can understand why LiLo has been in and out of rehab.
To keep things short, "I Know Who Killed Me" is mastered with the AVC MPEG-4 codec and properly framed at 2.40:1. The transfer is quite good and tries its hardest to make this mess look respectable. Colors are quite vivid and the film's blue rose stands out as looking especially bright. The torture scenes are gruesome and show off the fine level of detail contained on the disc. Lindsey Lohan looks very good in this film and you can count the freckles on her back a number of times. Black levels are well above average in this film and shadow detail is quite strong, with no apparent loss of detail in the darkest scenes. There aren't any noticeable digital compression errors aside from one or two minor instances of pixilation during a few dark scenes where lighting is harsh. The source materials appear to have been quite clean and I have no complaints in that department. A bad film. A good transfer.
I found it a bit odd that Sony has included both an English Dolby TrueHD 5.1 mix and an English Uncompressed PCM 5.1 track. There is even a French Dolby TrueHD 5.1 mix for our Canadian friends who want to hear Lohan's raspy voice. Comparing the two soundtracks doesn't show much variance. The PCM track seemed to be a little cleaner, but the TrueHD had a heavier presence in the low frequency effects channel. The film contains an enveloping soundtrack that contains a number of nice effects in the rear surrounds and plenty of kick in the subwoofer. Sounds move cleanly between speakers and overall, "I Know Who Killed Me" is an enveloping experience. Music is handled nicely and the Lohan striptease sequences sound quite good. Her screams showcase how nicely the twin soundtracks handle high ends. Dialogue is good, but I felt some of the strip club sequences were harder to listen to. With both a TrueHD and a PCM mix, I was surprised. With this bad film having such good technicals, I am again surprised.
For those looking for even more cruel and unusual punishment, "I Know Who Killed Me" comes equipped with some supplemental materials. An interesting features is a "Play All" for all bonus materials. I would assume this is so you can end the pain as fast as possible. The extras are presented in MPEG-2 480p definition. The Alternate Opening (1:21) features a reflection in the water and some music. This is the most disinteresting alternate opening I have ever seen. The Alternate Ending (1:04) is perhaps a little more interesting. Lindsey Lohan smokes a cigarette and a cat opens a closet door. That is the entire thing and I'm not making it up. Of course, there is an underlying theme that Aubrey simply wrote the whole film. The Extended Strip Dance (6:08) does not show LiLo's jubblies. I'm sorry. That would almost have made the bonus features worthwhile, but there are plenty of photos on the Internet to satisfy anybody with that particular fetish. I'm not sure what the difference is here, but she smokes a cigarette. The Bloopers (2:48) contained some Jennifer Tilley jokes. A few other moments were funny and sadly, this short collection of screwups is the best part of the whole Blu-ray disc. There are also some Previews.
I did not like this movie at all. It was boring and uninteresting. Lindsey Lohan doesn't want to be cute anymore. In this film, she acts like the bad girl next door who is typically tattooed and drunk. At this point in her career, she is a mess and MSNBC has pointed that out for all of us. This is one movie to avoid. The Blu-ray release has very nice picture and both a Dolby TrueHD and an Uncompressed PCM mix. This is not a film that deserves such a high quality transfer. The supplements, however, are very thin. They run for roughly a dozen minutes and there isn't exactly anything special to discover within them. This film kept sinking down to the bottom of my review pile for good reason. If you are looking for a new Blu-ray disc, I'd suggest "Superbad." That came out the same day as MSNBC's proclamation that Lindsey Lohan is the dumbest person in Hollywood.